


Loki and Theodora's Excellent Adventure

by PurpleMoon3



Series: Thor Kinkmeme [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Always-a-Girl!Loki, Always-a-Girl!Thor, Dimensional Travel, F/F, F/M, Genderbending, Let's go on an adventure Loki!, Ovaries before Brovories, Theodora doesn't want to be queen, and so are babies, boys are icky, friendship fic, norsekink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 03:21:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1453576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleMoon3/pseuds/PurpleMoon3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Odin decides it is about time to sit Theo down and explain the duties of being future Queen of Asgard - namely marriage, pumping out babies, and letting her politically acceptable hubby go off to war while she sits at home being bored out of her helm.  Theodora decides she does not, under any circumstance, want to rule.  Luckily, she's got a sorceress for a little sister in her corner and the the bestest shield-sister in all the realms that are ready and willing to escape with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt and filling can be found [here, on Norsekink](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/9985.html?thread=20021761#t20021761).
> 
> As a side note, I know full well that Theodora is not the feminine form of Thor. Theodora is the feminine form of Theodore, which has the shortened form of Ted. Ted being one the titular characters from _Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure_ from which this fic takes its name. This amuses me. Therefore, I have assigned that name to girl!Thor.

The Odindottirs are polar opposites of each other. Theodora, the eldest and the one whom the royal bloodline would run through, was the mirror image of the AllMother Frigga. Assuming Frigga was built like a brick house and had a penchant for dressing in stolen armor and stealing down to the armory to test weapons when no one was looking. Loki, whip-thin and as graceful and deadly as a choking ivy, was said to take after her grandmother on her father's side. With skin white as snow and hair dark as night, and a caliber of magic at her fingertips that had not been seen since before the War Loki was very much the AllFather's daughter.  
  
One fine day, Theodora wheedled her sister to wrap them in shadows and ferry them past the guardsmen and into the great vault. Seeing as it was Loki's diary - "Grimoire, Theo! There is a difference!"- being held hostage the young witch agreed. While Theodora skipped around the vault, the both of them ignoring the lurking armor that appeared to have been made for a Frost Giant, Loki found herself drawn to the bluest box. It shone with an inner light that pricked along her senses. She stepped carefully over to it and felt a refreshingly cool breeze just as her sister placed both hands on the handle of a misshaped mallet and with a not insignificant amount of straining lifted it from the pedestal.  
  
The blow back from the sudden release of energy caused Loki stumble into the glowing casket; her hand graced against it and a rush of sugar sweet energy ran up her arm and settled in her heart. Blinking and bewildered, Loki shook her head to clear it and looked to her sister.  
  
"Theo, your _hair_." Loki pointed out the statically charge mass of gold that floated around Theodora's head like a fluffy, messy halo.  
  
"Loki!" The older goddess answered, blue eyes wide as she flailed an arm that had magically become sheathed in chain mail. "Your _skin!_ "  
  
Loki looked down at her own hands which had been bleached the selfsame blue of the overturned casket of freezing people's bullocks off. She watched, fascinated, as distance from the box caused her arms to slowly return to the milky white she was so familiar with. When she stepped closer to the cold zone, the blue would begin to bleed back in. Theodora sat watched her sister pace the room (the younger princess was alternating between Milk Pale and a Pretty Periwinkle) while nuzzling the head of her new hammer, "It's mine! It chose me! I shall take it back to my chambers and name it... Mew-Mew!"  
  
"It isn't a cat, sister-mine." Loki commented absently as her clever mind attempted to solve the puzzle that was herself.  
  
"So? I will love it, and polish it, and smash that nasty Fandral fellow to _bits_ with it... "  
  
Shaking out her hair, Loki nodded to herself and squared up against the tipped over box. It was singing in her head, whispering things that were more images than words, and it was starting to get annoying. Even if she did have the most lovely necklace that would look absolutely stunning with her new skin tone. "That new foreigner, Hogun I think it was, he prefers the mace. You could probably get tips from him if the blade master starts giving you trouble about _skirts on the battlefield_ again."  
  
"He hasn't since Sif and I... just what are you doing?" Theodora questioned, hopping off her perch and inching toward the sorceress.

Loki sniffed and reached out, grasping the large casket by the handle and hissing as her entire body began to freeze from the inside out. She felt her eyes tingle as they too adapted to wield the weapon. "I suppose I take after grandmother Bestla in more ways than we thought..." Loki muttered under her breath as she turned to face her sister, garnet eyes causing the warrior-maiden to lean back in surprise. Louder, and far more confident than only a few moments ago, Loki offered her sibling a smile that was all teeth. "Well, you've got your hammer. I've got my box. Fair's fair. Now, let's get out of here before-"  
  
"Princesses!"   
  
The sound of several booted feet tramping down the stairs echoed in the once empty chamber.   
  
Loki eyed Theodora. Theodora chuckled nervously, small but strong hands wrapped around the handle of Mew-Mew in a white-knuckled grip. Loki coughed and tucked the casket under one arm while weaving one hand through the air in artistic swoops that the uneducated might have called runes, and the educated called meaningless drivel. " _We are not the maidens you are looking for..._ "  
  
The quartet of guards blinked slowly before saying in relative unison, "We are not the maidens you are looking for."  
  
Loki shrugged. Close enough. While the leader of the men attempted to figure out who the strange, young, blue woman in royal attire was, and why he should be cautious around her, Loki and Theo slipped out of the forbidden area and back to their bedroom prizes in tow.  
  
"Loki?"  
  
"Yes, Theo?"  
  
"How do you expect to fight with a box? Are you going to use it to reach the really high shelves in the library?  Or hide in it while the patrols go by?"  
  
"..."  
  
 _Deep in the Odinsleep, the King of Asgard frowned as he developed the Mother of all Headaches. Frigga knitted happily beside his resting form, oblivious._


	2. Chapter 2

Theodora grew in strength and renown. Where before her royal passage was likened to a metaphorical storm -her enthusiasm for life and adventure as boundless as the wind that tossed about ships at sea- with the great star forged hammer at her shapely hip Theodora became a literal force of nature. Her dancing feet brought the rain. Her battle roars were as thunder, and her smile the sun breaking through clouded sky.  
  
Loki, as ever, followed her sister like the shadows of Odin's own ravens. It was said that she had stolen the eyes of a demon from the very pits of Muspelheim, and her gaze could freeze the marrow in a man's bones. Though rarely seen -so quickly summoned forth and then vanished through the most secret and dark of magics- the younger princess carried a box filled with the screaming souls of warriors who had insulted her. Loki was the Lie Smith, so called because she could take a man's words and twist them into a rope from which the speaker would hang themselves. It was impossible to lie, to falsely praise or mislead the so called Ice Princess who guarded her warrior-sister's heart with all the strength and cunning of the AllFather himself.  
  
Odin heard these whispers, and hung his head in his hands as the most recent news filtered through the throngs of Asgard to his throne. Loki did not care for suitors, and he was fairly certain the introverted girl had started many of those rumors herself. What better way to avoid being sent off to Vanaheim or Nidavellir for a political alliance if all her potential matches were terrified of having their souls sucked out, or their Important Bits snapping off from frostbite mid-coitus? Not that Odin _would_ force his children into any such marriage: in part because he had yet to inform Loki of her _unique_ background, and in part because though he and Frigga had come to care for each other those first few centuries had been like navigating the storm his eldest daughter had become.   
  
It was not something he would wish on either of his precious, precocious daughters.  
  
But that was not to say something wouldn't have to be done. It was strangely suspicious how his Queen had been called away to visit her sister this morn...   
  
"You summoned me, Father?" Theodora bounced in, her breastplate making a valiant effort at restraining her bust. His first born was not beautiful in the classic sense with intimidatingly stunning looks like the Lady Freya, but what Theodora had she held in excess. Hair the very shade of ripe wheat framed her almost babyish cheeks like gold, and her eyes sparkled like fresh spring water.  
  
It took everything Odin had not to dart down from his throne and attempt to tug her pleated skirt down to knee level.   
  
He never should have gotten that stupid hammer reforged.  
  
"Theodora," He paused for dramatic effect. "As you know, you are my heir, and it is through you the line of Odin, the line of Bor, and the line of Buri will continue."  
  
Theodora's forehead crinkled as she contemplated that statement. "Well, _yeah_. It isn't exactly news, father... wait a second... you aren't coming down with- What did Loki call that old people disease? _Senility_ are you? Oh! Should I call Eir? Guards!"  
  
"No! NO! THEODORA ODINDOTTIR, ATTEND ME!!" Odin stood shouting, his ravens startling and flying around the room like spooked, winged cattle.  
  
Theodora blushed, and it was like she was five years old again having just been caught raiding the kitchens of their knives and declaring war on the village children. He could never stay mad at his little girl. Either of them. "Sorry, daddy."

Odin's fingers tapped along Gungnir's shaft as he paced before the golden dais. "Theodora. It has come to my attention that you are coming to be of a certain age, an age where most young women such as yourself start... taking... an... _interest_ in rather... adult... pursuits."  
  
"Like splitting open enemy skulls and wrestling sun bears?"  
  
"Yes like splitting- I mean, no! That's not it. And while those are very admirable qualities, Ymir knows I wrestled quite a few bears in my time, I'm talking about, ah, _merry sport_."  
  
"Ah, you mean axe throwing and caber tossing!"  
  
"If _only_." Odin groaned, wishing not for the last time that he could wind back the clock and keep Theodora small and adorable forever. But the needs of the kingdom came first, and it was a KINGdom, not a Queendom, no matter how wise, beautiful, or strong Theodora was. "You, my beloved daughter, as much as it pains me to admit, are approaching the time where your loins shall be most fertile. You need be thinking of who you will take as husband, to continue the royal bloodline, and rule when I am indisposed, retired, or eventually dead."  
  
"I- _what_?"  Her face showed confusion, and spark of fear that gave way to anger.  Odin tried to be gentle, but this wasn't something Theodora could pout at and make go away, or beat into submission.  He spoke with firmness and all the authority and gravity his many millennia of generalship had imbued within him.  
  
"Asgard needs a Queen Mother, Theodora, not a Warrior Princess. It will be your duty to stay home and see to the defenses of the city and surrounding estates. Yours is the face of enduring calm and strength that our realm needs during times or war, and those times _will_ come. The only peace that lasts is death."  
  
"B-but I don't _want_ to-"  
  
Odin cut the air with his hand, silencing his daughter, and hid the wince that her betrayed face caused within him. He continued, speaking as a father and not a king. "We are royalty, Theodora. It is never about what _we_ want." He sighed. "You will understand... eventually..."

* * *

Loki watched from the shadows as her father left a crushed Theodora standing alone in the great hall. Her sister was her sister, and sometimes a great pain in the unmentionables, but the look of utter loss struck a cord within the Ice Princess. She herself had never bothered thinking about the throne. She was second in line, and a witch, and would rather have a good book in her lap than a man.   
  
The only thinking Theodora probably did on the subject was how far she could throw them.  
  
Loki slid from the shadow, slipping around a pillar, and placed a delicate hand on Theodora's shoulder. "Theo? Are you... are you well, sister-dear?"  
  
Theodora's head snapped up as the crown princess blinked aborted tears from the corner of her eyes. "Loki! We're running away!"  
  
"...come again?"  
  
"We are running away!" Her bubble of confidence burst, and her lower lip trembled as she looked into the green, hooded eyes of the other woman. "Or, at least I shall be leaving... and if you would like to come... I wouldn't say..."  
  
Loki smiled and cupped her sister's neck. "Of course I'll be accompanying you. How else did you expect to get passed Heimdall?"  
  
"Well, I had thought about asking nicely..."


	3. Chapter 3

Odin Borson, Odin AllFather, Lord of the Aesir and High Chieftain of Yggdrasil, knew not what his darling daughters wrought through their mutual commiseration. He distanced himself from princesses for the Good of the Realm, for Theodora's countenance upon him was a grey sky filled with unshed tears, and Loki's blank slate was more telling than all the mischievous tantrums of childhood.   
  
Frigga, his beautiful prophetess of a wife, smiled her own secret smile as she consoled him with the steady assurances of one who read the future, knew it for a certain thing, but was bound to speak of it to none. Yet, the sudden chasm between himself and his children continued to grow while revealing nothing of the promised future that Frigga saw in warp and weft of her loom. It was maddening, it was painful, still Odin could not bring himself to take knee and ask forgiveness even when faced with his Sun's tears and his Moon's stone.   
  
By the time Odin noticed how insurmountable and physical that distance had become, it was too late. Sif had watched the division in the royal house grow with every letter of introduction that arrived at the palace. At no other time in her life had she longed for the natural talents of her sex rather than the heavy weight of a sword. Perhaps then she could have disappeared the incriminating slips of parchment before they reached their destination only to cause grief for her best friend. Her strongest support. Without Theodora to speak for her Sif's warrior aspirations would likely have seen her shipped off to the Valkyries who renounced all previous ties living only to train and escort the dead.  
  
Her own brother did not speak for her, his only loyalty to the Realm itself and His King, and so Sif ignored the pinch of _betrayer_ in her chest as the family of her heart skirted her brother's gaze. She could not leave her shield-sister, or her spell-slinger, to such fates that she herself had fled from. Wreathed in shadows, starlight, and subtly they tip-toed around infinity and stepped out into the depths of Nidvallir, where the dwarf smiths ruled.   
  
Sif kept one hand on the pommel of her sword and one eye on the glimmering dots staring out of the darkness. The dwarves were notoriously hard bargainers, though their craft was unsurpassed and more than worth it, and they would not hesitate at the chance to bring a god -or goddess- low. Long had the Aesir reigned supreme over the Realms and long had the elven kindred wished for retribution of any kind.  There were rumors of unwary Aesir vanishing into mines never to be seen again, and the princess' travel, their departure, was a well kept secret. It would be days, possibly weeks, before their disappearance became known as anything less than benign.  
  
Sif ground together the metacarpals of an overly familiar dwarf with her free hand, eyes hardening at the angry hiss as he darted away and a deep, echoing voice laughed. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of her face as she passed a threatening forge that looked more like a mouth of fiery damnation than a thing of creation.   
  
"And what brings three goddesses such as yourselves to my halls, hmm?"   
  
Loki's profile was eerily lit by the torchlight as she stepped forward, the silk of her train rippling like water over the abandoned bits of glass and metal littering the floor. The witch glanced around the chambers with a discerning eye, running her fingers along the fabric of her dress, the lines of her lithe body. Theodora, too, peered at their surroundings; however, her gaze was more of curious openness while her petite hand remained closed around her hammer's haft.  
  
Brokk, brother of King Eitri, took off his dragon-hide gloves and grinned lecherously at all three women. The expression was mirrored on the faces of his fellow smiths as they drifted from their own fires. Sif fought down the urge to pull the younger woman protectively behind her, lips pressing together in hard disapproval as Loki tucked her long, dark hair back and fanned heat away -and attention toward- her neckline. The princess sighed. "Why to bargain, Lord Brokk. You see, we three find ourselves in need of new dress."

Brokk swaggered over, tools clinking from his belt, his height putting him at eye level with Loki's ample chest. He stroked his beard and laughed. "Oh, that's _rich_. Three lovely young _maidens_ coming to _me_ , for some new dresses-"  
  
"Armor!" Theodora insisted heatedly, head whipping around from where she had been poking at a cooling mold. Sif shifted on her feet, fingers drumming on her weapon handle, turning to better guard their backs.   
  
" _Armor_." Brokk conceded with a impudent incline of his head. "It won't be cheap, mind you, a rush job like this. And I imagine that you don't want dear daddy finding out…?"  
  
"Correct, smith." Loki whispered, green eyes flashing as she closed the distance between them. "There is precedent, or did you not create the Lady Freya's necklace?"  
  
"The necklace you stole, little thief?"  
  
Loki's teeth flashed as Sif stifled her own laugh. "I gave it back."  
  
"After stripping the spells from it." His eyes lingered on Loki's, reaching out with a calloused hand and possessively stroking the silk at Loki's hip. "But, if you knew of those then you would know of the trade negotiated for such working. We've have no need of gold, not with our magics…"  
  
"Is that what you want?" Loki leaned over, pressing herself against the Master Smith and nuzzling his cheek. Her fingers danced over his leather work clothes, playing with the lacing and caressing the burnt, dark skin beneath. "Little old me?"  
  
"You, or your sister. I imagine the maidenhead of a princess is worth a good bit more than that of a fertility idol. Freya had stamina, but she never delivered the second half of her payment. Didn't live up to the reputation." He grinned, wide and sharp, hand reaching under the folds of fabric to caress Loki's own skin. Sif's body jerked forward, and it was only the sharp, brief crackle of Theodora's own feelings that pulled her from rampage. _He was touching their little sister!_ "But we know. We can smell it. A _dvergr_ heir to the Aesir throne, in exchange for protections from the Watchman's eyes and the Burden of Destiny? It would be a bargain!"  
  
"Why don't I make a counter offer, Lord Brokk?" Loki replied sweetly, breathe fogging despite the collective heat of the forges. Her nails tapped chillingly against his cock and normally green eyes glowed red in the firelight. "You make our armor, exactly to my specifications, and I _won't_ freeze off your balls. How's that for a bargain?"  
  
Sif laughed with relief, tiny tears at the corner of her eyes. Theodora smiled with sisterly pride at her blue tinged sister.

* * *

The dwarves had worked for seven days and seven nights, tooling leather while working magic into gold and silver inlays. Theodora was known throughout the realms, and highly recognizable; likewise were Loki and Sif.  
  
"Where are we going now?" Theodora asked of her sister as she clipped Mew-Mew into the crafted holster.   
  
"Simple." Loki replied as she breathed deep and released the power of the Casket, adjusting the angle of her new hat -sporting the curling horns of a ram rather than the spires of a gazelle- while weaving a doorway through space. "Midgard. Though, we will have to take new identities to be sure Sifbrother does not find us through the mutterings of others."  
  
"Then I shall be Thor!"  
  
"'Tis a boy's name, Theo." Sif chuckled while stepping onto the moonlight lined path.  
  
"Hmm. How about Donald?"  
  
"Also a boy's name." Loki commented as she closed the door behind them.  
  
Theo pouted and kicked at a cloud of unquiet thoughts. "Well maybe I want to be a boy… boys don't have to get married and stay home with babies…"  
  
"That's what the Disguise Pen is for." Loki cheerfully informed her compatriots as she flourished the small, newly forged, Uru wand through the air. "Setting Seventeen B."


	4. Chapter 4

The three goddesses arrived in Midgard with hardly a whisper. It was more of a thunderclap, rolling out along the air as molecules were forcibly pushed out of the way and Loki Odindottir peeled apart a seam in space and walked out onto the mortal earth. She stepped quickly, eyes sparkling in the moonlight. The mortal realm had much changed since they last visited as children, and this time there were no nannies to tell them to sit straight like proper ladies, or veritable walls of soldiers isolating two princesses from the jewel of a world that two realms went to war over.  
  
It had been quite some time since Loki and Theodora had dived between the legs of their caretakers, slipping away to explore ramshackle huts and sneak strips of boiled meat and honeyed nuts from the tables of unsuspecting humans, and the sisters were pleasantly surprised. There were still ramshackle huts and paths of dirt and rut, but there were other places now: Cities of glass and steel sparkled in daytime sun and then lit up like magic at night. Midgard was vast, and with the advent of the demi-gods, mutants and other super-humans, blending into the streams of humanity took minimal effort. Should the three Asgardian Nobles decide to expend such effort.  
  
"What do you want to do, now?" Theodora asked as she licked her ice cream cone, frowning as the taste of glue and paper marred sweet perfection. "Loki said this place is The City That Never Sleeps; always something to do!"  
  
Sif shrugged and licked at her own treat, savoring the minty flavor. "I am not certain. Though it was some time ago, I do not recall Haarlem being so... so." Sif gestured to the bustling crowds of late-night shoppers and congregations of people.  
  
Theodora frowned. "I think that was a different Haarlem."  
  
"Ah." Sif began sniffing the air as something spicy and sweet caught her attention. "I believe I have found what I wish to... Theo? Do you hear that?"  
  
The Goddess of Thunder blinked and shoved the entirely of her ice-cream cone into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully as she peered into the distance, cocking her head. She swallowed, and an anticipatory smile crawled across her face. Theodora looked to Sif, who's expression mirrored her own, and as one they exclaimed, "To Battle!"  
  
As Sif jumped onto the roof of a car and swung herself up a fire escape so as to see further and move faster, Theodora unhooked her hammer and raised it into the air, "MEW-MEW POWER, MAKE-UP!" Lightning fell from the sky, and Theodora rose to meet it.

 

* * *

General Ross had thought he'd seen everything when an insignificant scientist turned into a big green rage monster that could shrug off Stark's best tech. Ross thought he'd accounted for everything until his most dedicated man got jealous and turned _himself_ into some kind of bastard abomination of science that was doing even _more_ damage than the Hulk he'd been recruited to stop. General Ross took a deep breath and forced himself to revise his estimates as his people reported sighting two women dressed like they'd just come from a Rene-Fair bound into the fray.  
  
When the brunette kicked Blonsky in face and followed it up with a slashing movement from some kind of spear, the ex-marine retaliated by slapping the woman -who looked younger than _Betty_ \- and sent her flying into a building. Ross worried he would have yet another death on his hands but then Banner in his mean and green form swung in and caught the poor girl. The second woman shouted something illegible and the entity of his radio network went silent as the blonde in the leather and chain mail jumped up and brought her own weapon down on the rogue agent which _somehow_ caused lightning to strike him. Three times. All in the same place.  
  
"Isn't that against the laws of physics?" His pilot murmured.  
  
"Apparently not..." Ross answered before shaking his head, adjusting his worldview, and ordering his people to get some kind of coordination with the two warrior princess' that some smart ass had already dubbed Xena and Gabriel.

* * *

 

"This a private beach. Hell, a private _island._ " A confident, vaguely husky, male voice stated with far too much lust and amusement to be intimidating. "I would know, as I own it. And everything else within a ten mile radius."  
  
Loki settled more firmly onto her beach towel and peered past the pink-tinted lenses of her sunglasses at the man with the goatee and red armor. "Perhaps. But you don't own the sun, mortal."  
  
"Not _yet_ I don't. And what is it about you that's got Coulson and the Stooge Squad requisitioning my satellites to watch you spread lotion on those legs? Not that they aren't nice legs, great legs in fact, stupendous legs, the kind of legs I can imagine doing all sorts of running, jumping, bouncing things, but if I tried that I'd have all my internet privileges revoked."  
  
Loki slid her sunglasses up onto her forehead to hold back her bangs and sat up. "Who is this Coulson and why is he watching me, knave?"  
  
The man grinned cheekily. "Why _wouldn't_ someone want to watch you?" The leer melted and he shrugged, stepping closer as his feet sunk into the sand. "But, seriously, how the hell did you get past my security? I mean, _Coulson_ knew you were here before _I_ did, and that is just not kosher."  
  
Loki pursed her lips together in thought before shaking her head. "Simply put, I am a goddess. I do what I want."  
  
"Goddess? Please, I've known models with egos but... where did she go? JARVIS! JARVIS, can you hear me? Were you able to get any readings?"

 

* * *

_I got a Black Magic Woman... I got a Black Magic Woman... Yes, I got a Black Magic Woman she's got me so blind I can't see-_  
  
Theodora was enjoying her bubble bath with Sif, building little castles out of the white foamy stuff, when the soft vocals of a Midgardian entertainer came from her abandoned clothing. The crown princess of Asgard startled at the sound and splashed over to the side of the tub, demolishing their soapy kingdom, and reached with slippery hands for the small norn-like device that carried words on the wind. Or something. Theodora hadn't really been paying attention when the merchant was explaining it.  
  
 _But she's a Black Magic woman and she's trying to make a devil out of me._

Theodora wiped her hand on a nice, fluffy hand cloth and slid to unlock. "Tiberius!" Her sister's voice issued forth, more exasperated than annoyed. "I thought we agreed on keeping a low profile, you know, so _someone_ wouldn't find us?"  
  
"Oh, ah... funny story..." Theodora mouthed 'Loki' and motioned to the phone as Sif perked up and swam over, body pressing against her princess as she listened in on the conversation. "...there were these two ogres battling for dominance..."  
  
Sif hooked her chin around Theodora's shoulder and spoke over the Thunderer, wrapping her arms around the other's waist and sighing. "I liked the green one. Not much for conversation, but what man is?"  
  
"Do you _fancy_ him, Shawna?" Loki's tone was teasing.  
  
"No more than I fancy my favorite sword. In a certain someone's gut." The war goddess sniped back with a blush before pressing her forehead to the crook of Theodora's neck. "Oh, I didn't think it was possible but I _do_ miss the stuffed bastard. I miss my morning mead. They just can't get the honey-to-alcohol ratio right on this planet!"  
  
Blue eyes dimmed in sympathy, and Theodora nuzzled her best friend's cheek. "I'll order the servants to bring forth chocolate cake."

* * *

 

 

The point of running away to Midgard had been to remain unnoticed. Being watched and followed -in any capacity, for their current supervisors were somewhat inept- ruffled Loki's feathers. She didn't like there being _eyes in the sky -_ an army of mechanical Heimdalls- that could spy on her comings and goings. She was a princess, and further she was _Loki_ and such attempts offended her trickster sensibilities.

So she turned the tables on them.

"Hello." She greeted with a smile that resembled a shark's more than a person's, sliding into the booth and propping her chin in her hands. "Agent. Son-of-Coul."

Sif was stationed outside, watching the people watching them. Theodora bounced into the seat next to the Guard of the Realm, effectively trapping him as the table was bolted to the floor and impossible to flip. Theodora looked perfectly at ease in her midgardian garb: hip-hugging jeans, white tee under flannel, with her hair braided and bound in two little buns on the side of her head. Surprisingly, the dwarven worked leather belt holding the ever-present Mew-Mew didn't clash with the outfit. Fashion spells were a godsend. "Hi, Mr. Spy."

To his credit, the Agent continued dipping his doughnut into his coffee without batting an eyelash. "Morning, ladies. As you seem to know my name, it would only be polite for me to know yours...?"

Theodora grinned mischievously and touched her fore and middle finger to her lips. "I can tell you my _code_ name. I'm Tiberius," she pointed with the same two fingers to Loki. "And this my little sister, Leia."

Coulson took a drink of his coffee. "Tiberius... is a nice name. Bit unusual."

"Oh, I know. But you should have heard the other ones she came up with. At least this one we can shorten to Tio." Loki chuckled and signaled for a slice of pie. "But we aren't here to discuss names, Mr. Bond. Why are your people following us? We've broken no laws."

"I think Immigration would disagree, but that isn't SHIELD's jurisdiction. Miss Leia," Coulson set down his cup and smiled pleasantly. "We've been keeping an eye on you for the same reason we keep an eye on Tony Stark, and... Bruce Banner."

"Brucie!" Theo exclaimed happily.

Coulson nodded, unflappable as ever, and Loki found herself just the tiniest bit turned on by it. She crossed her legs under the table and tried to think non-sexy thoughts. "What we would like to do, is issue you ladies an invitation of sorts."


End file.
